Let’s say you are one of those people who would like a relationship with a person or group that would give you scope to contribute and would provide you with the companionship you desire. The most reliable way to accomplish this is to write an ideal scene in which you describe what you need and want in such a relationship. Doesn’t that sound easy?
The usual way that such descriptions fail is that they are too short. A girl says, “I want a guy who is tall dark, and handsome who loves me and has plenty of money to spend on me.” She pulls in a drug dealer and spends her time hiding from her family.
Or, a guy says, “I want a beautiful girl who loves me and is totally sexy and funny.” He pulls in a girl who is all of that and more but she wants to sleep with every handsome man she meets.
An ideal scene for a relationship needs to satisfy your emotional needs and you need to match what the other person is looking for. In other words, an ideal scene for a relationship needs to satisfy the needs of both partners. They need to be your ideal partner and you need to be theirs.
Short-list ideal scenes work and I can prove it. I got married to my college girlfriend and while she was an ideal college girlfriend, there were some ways she was not suited for marriage. She was everything I was looking for in a girlfriend, but that was a very short list. When that marriage ended after 7 years, I made a longer list of what I wanted and pulled in a beautiful, talented woman and we were married for 15 years. I failed to put in a provision for an understanding mother-in-law and that drove us apart.
After another marriage based on a short list of ideal characteristics, I finally realized that every one of the women I had loved and married had desirable characteristics, but I had not done a good enough job of describing what I wanted and what I could provide to a wife.
I finally got my act together and wrote out a two-page description of my ideal scene in marriage and gave it to a friendly matchmaker in Los Angeles. I had covered everything I could think of including someone who had an affinity for plants since this was a major area of life I had no skills in.
Within a very short time, a beautiful and charming professional woman reached out to me and we have been married now for 30 years. She had recently completed an ideal scene for a husband and had connected with the friendly matchmaker and the rest is history.
When you create an ideal scene, you are organizing your intentions and if those intentions align with someone else’s intentions, magic occurs. This is why your list of needs and wants in an ideal scene needs to be complete. If your list only extends to “hot to trot” and “sexy” you will get a relationship from hell as the other person will have habits and a police record which will make them hard to live with. It’s like intending a one-night stand. You will probably succeed but it will not develop into a meaningful relationship. As the saying goes, “Be careful what you wish for.”
In your ideal scene for a relationship, think of your future needs as well as your present needs. Also, think of what you are willing to provide for your partner now and in the future. If you do a reasonable job creating an ideal scene, you will attract your partner almost as if by magic. Once you have created an ideal scene and have a clear concept of it, you are actually projecting your willingness to locate a partner with certain characteristics. Do not be surprised if a close friend suddenly tells you about a cousin who is coming to town and would be perfect for you. Your intention alone is strong enough to let others know you are on the lookout for a relationship and they will find themselves suggesting partners for you.
If your intention is to create a win-win relationship, I think you will find success in your search.