I had a realization yesterday that most of our difficulties stem from not getting what we want out of life and that comes from not asking the right questions! Most of the time we strive to deliver what we feel the other person wants and are disappointed when they do not appreciate what we are doing for them.
If you are producing something for a client and don’t ask them to define exactly what they want, you are unlikely to produce anything they will appreciate. If you are in a relationship and you are not getting happy responses to your efforts to please, you have not bothered to ask what they really want or have been afraid of what they might answer.
If you are afraid of what their answer might be, you already know that you are not delivering what is needed and wanted and your fear is that you may have to change something. If you are annoyed at the current situation, where you are not delivering what is needed and wanted, you need more data and that means you have to ask for enough data to work with. In either case, the only way to resolve the problem is for you to ask what the other person or group really wants.
In any relationship, failing to ask enough of the right questions in the beginning can result in an uncomfortable time for all concerned. The only way to get things back on the right track is to approach the situation calmly and take responsibility for solving the lack of information. It is not a matter of asking what you are doing wrong because the other party may not understand why they are so upset with you, only that you are not doing what they want. What you need to resolve any of these problems is to find out what their expectations are and to decide whether you wish to meet those expectations now.
Being in the wrong relationship is painful to all parties concerned. Resolving the difficulties by getting the truth of the expectations will be a relief to both sides and will make it possible for both sides to make real progress again. Getting the truth of the matter will untangle the mess caused by unrealistic expectations and will allow both parties to create futures based on better information. Getting the truth of the matter frees up the attention that has been captured by the lies in the situation. Those who accept the truth and their responsibility for creating the confusion are free to create a new future. Those who accept no responsibility for creating and maintaining the confusion will find their attention is stuck on this incident permanently.
There are two possible results from addressing a relationship difficulty properly. The relationship is severed, having been based on faulty or missing information, or the relationship operates differently based on corrected information. In both cases, those who participate in correcting the information will benefit and lead more productive lives.
Our SRT Workshop tomorrow will start at 12 noon Eastern time on Zoom, using the regular link. You are urged to participate as this one will be a life changer.