Does that sound like an optimum way to live? It would appear that you are in a situation where your ideas are not appreciated, and that does not sound like it aids your survival.
Either you have found yourself in the wrong group, or you have ideas that clash with the agreements of the society you live in. Either way, you are different enough that you get negative intentions from the people around you.
This can happen in a family when one of the family members goes off to college or into the service and adopts a new way of life that clashes with family values. It happens whenever a family member joins a group with agreements that differ from established family customs.
The person exposed to the new way of life has to decide whether to adopt the new customs and leave the family or to conform to established family customs and forgo any departures from what is accepted at home. Trying to remain at home with non-family viewpoints and beliefs can create an untenable living situation for all concerned.
If the family accepts the person’s new viewpoints and beliefs, as sometimes happens when a person announces they are now a different gender or religion, the family stays together under new agreements and survives as a family unit.
If the parties involved can grant each other beingness and live with their new differences, the family evolves into a different kind of group. Caring communication enables groups facing these changes to survive as a unit or to survive as separate units with amicable relationships. Both solutions have been reached by groups experiencing unexpected changes if the parties continue to communicate in a caring and respectful way.
If the original family or group is not amenable to change, the sanest solution for those adopting new customs or ideas is to depart as politely as possible and establish themselves as independent entities. Change is inevitable, and handling it responsibly is the best solution for maintaining personal integrity. Then you will never have to worry about being careful of what you say or do.
We will be discussing this and other matters in tomorrow’s SRT workshop at 12 noon EST on Zoom. Send me an email at srtcounseling@gmail and ask for a link to the Zoom session.
David St Lawrence