30 seconds to find out what’s wrong with you

I was feeling becalmed between the rush of early Spring and the
doldrums of Summer and I remembered this uncannily accurate, online,
self-diagnosis system.

It was just as I feared. I need to change my ways.

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: vague second-degree burns, slightly pointy ears, slightly bendy arms
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices

Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

Now that my illness is named, there is nothing else I can complain about.

DISCLAIMER: Results may vary.

Talk to your Mother if unsatisfied with your diagnosis, or change your name.

Important Note: Using your full name will expose an entirely different aspect of your current condition.

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