People Can Be Hard To Help – Wait For Them to Ask For It First

We just spent the recent weekend talking about not inflicting your current reality on those who might become upset.

Less then sixteen hours later, I was presented with a real life example of how this works.

I was approached for help by someone whose belief system prevented me from helping them in a meaningful way. We had nothing further to discuss.

It occurs to me that asking a person where their problems might be coming from and if they felt they needed help might be a better opening than offering to help them in any way.

As we discussed in Sunday’s webinar, any offer to help is a suggestion about changing the person’s reality. The question, “Would you like me to help you?” is really saying, “Would you like to accept a different reality as yours doesn’t seem to be working very well.”

Even saying, “Would it be alright if I help you?” is suggesting that the person is not managing very well. If they are aware they need help, they may still balk at any change to their current reality.

Perhaps a better approach would be to ask what help would be acceptable to them and then deciding if that is something you care to provide.

You can still get in trouble, because they can want help you do not wish to provide.

Your offer of help is an offer to change someone’s situation. It seems that waiting for a request for help before offering it, raises the possibility that the person is really looking for a change.

We have learned from hundreds of counseling sessions that helping people who have not asked for it will cause you to be severely punished for your efforts.

Even when you are approached for help, you should make sure their reality will allow you to help them. Even when they approach you for help, you might start by asking what help would be acceptable to them and proceed carefully from that point.

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